Archive for August 2010
I keep meaning to post more pictures & details about my trip to Canada but the fact of the matter is I’m completely consumed by the emotions that have over taken me since returning Roy to the airport last Tuesday.
Currently he’s in the Middle East somewhere after spending an entire day on a bus & having been on numerous planes. He’s still waiting to get to the base that he’ll be spending the next 6 months or so at, while I’m here at home all nice & comfy but missing him more than I ever anticipated.
This is nothing like it was when he was just away at training & still here in the US. Now he’s on a whole other continent over 6000 miles away & twice as far from me as my family is at over 3000 miles away.
This is really hard!
I like to believe I’m a pretty strong person. Sure I have moments of sensitivity but on a general basis I just don’t get overly emotional about things. When I do however, the emotions sneak up out of nowhere & catch me completely off guard which is more or less what’s happened now.
I absolutely did not forsee the emotions I’m having now ever effecting me. I figured I’d miss him quite a bit, all would work out though, I know how to run the house & deal with all our day to day things, I can manage the children just fine on my own & we’d be ok. I’d get to talk to him on the net every now & then, which would be great! & everything would be ok. But, even though all these things might be true, it still sucks more than I can truly explain.
With my husband gone a piece of me is missing, my best friend in the whole world is missing & at least for right now I can’t count on his ability to log on at a set time, or to call at a set time like I would normally anticipate the time he’d return from work if he were still here. I have no desire at all to just call up & talk to anybody to fill some “void”, what I want is to talk to him when I feel like it & I can’t! I’m also not a very “Huggy” person either but right now I want nothing more than to be snuggled up with him here at home & to feel like all is once again right within my world.
Yes, this is the military life. This is what he signed up for nearly 7 years ago & what I signed up for when I chose to spend the rest of my life with him just a short while later. We’ve been blessed that we haven’t had to go through any of this until now but even knowing all that nothing really softens the burning blow that I feel deep within my soul which makes me feel like my entire world is upside down.
There’s all the “what if’s” that rear their ugly heads every now & then paralyzing me with fear when they do. Just trying to do simple things around the house like having a shower, watching tv, cooking a meal, saying good night to the girls, listening to a song… everything reminds me of him & the memories bring me to tears because “what if” that’s all I’ll ever have again are his memories???
Those type of thoughts never even crossed my mind prior to the last week. I know they crossed his plenty of times & I did everything in my power to reassure him that all would be well but now those same fears haunt me too.
This is MUCH harder than I ever anticipated, however I do find a small sense of peace in knowing that this is only the beginning. It WILL get easier as the time stretches on & 6 months WILL go by fairly quickly. Deep down I REALLY don’t believe anything bad will happen to him & this separation WILL make us all that much stronger as a couple. When we ARE reunited it will be so incredibly AWESOME & so I just keep trying to focus on that.
I know there are others out there who are experiencing much worse but these are my feelings based on what I am experiencing & I’m documenting them on my blog which is more or less a public journal written mostly for myself in the hopes that one day I can look back & say “Ahhh… I remember feeling like that!… It did go by fast & everything did turn out ok!”.
It’s hard to believe it’s been 3 years since we found out about Brooklynn’s rather unfortunate entrance to this world, but for us she was like a little angel sent just for us to become our lil girl & 3 days later she came into our lives forever.
She’s been a little bit spoiled with 2 birthday parties already this year. Neither were very big or anything but we had a lil celebration for her with family up in Canada while we were visiting
And I also decided to go on and have a lil combo birthday celebration for both her & Roy last Tuesday afternoon since it was going to be our last chance to celebrate their birthday’s all together this year.
Roy & I aren’t really all that into cake so I just picked up 2 pretty little cupcakes from the commissary for the girls to enjoy & a big peanut covered brownie for Roy. For me I chose a little tiny brownie bite with a lil red rose on top then we celebrated after picking the girls up from their first day of preschool together this year & just before we had to head back to the airport once again for Roy to return to the base he’d be heading on his journey from.
I’ve been meaning to post this for a few weeks but haven’t gotten a chance to till now. At first I delayed because I didn’t really have any pictures yet but then I was just so busy visiting with family that I didn’t find much time to blog.
On July 24th my younger sister, Danielle had her very first baby, Cohen. Believe it or not he is actually the first baby boy born to our side of the family in over 35 years!!!
This is also the first time I’ve become an Aunt on my side of the family. I am an Aunt on Roy’s side to various nephews but only one, Jaxon who’s currently 5 years old, have I ever actually met or had any involvement with.
I am just so happy for my sister & her soon to be hubby, Jim. I know the newborn stage is extremely difficult & they were both pretty exhausted (what with the very little sleep & all) while I was up there visiting. I only saw them a few times during my stay mostly because I just didn’t want to add to their stress but was very thrilled to meet my newest little nephew. He’s the sweetest little guy & looks so much like his daddy.
I am one very proud Auntie
So welcome to the world Cohen & Congrats once again Danielle & Jim!!!
The girls & I returned home from our trip to Canada at about 1:30am this morning. We had a wonderful time that I hope to blog more about in another post but this one is to express my happiness to find out today that Roy has officially made Staff Sergeant!!! Something he’s been working to obtain for a few years now & after the major disappointment that he went through regarding the whole ordeal about 2 years ago it’s about time he finally gets to sew on that extra stripe! Plus he has a spot in line at only #17 (out of thousands) so we suspect he’ll be sewing in on in just a few weeks!!!
This also means that as soon as he sews it on we can get on the waiting list for the “Nice” base housing instead of the “Ghetto” we’re stuck in now
Also for exciting news is that in just a few hours he’ll be home!!! He’s been approved for just under a week of leave to come home before he heads overseas. They could call while he’s here & tell him he has to be back sooner though, but they could also call & tell him he can stay longer too. It’s all kind of up in the air right now but we hope to have him home from this evening until the afternoon of the 24th at least. I am just so excited to see him that I can hardly contain myself & I think the girls are pretty excited too. They don’t quite understand but they’ve been asking where he is a lot today & I think they’ll be pretty thrilled when they see him & can hug him at the airport in a couple hours.